Il direttore, il direttore,
Have another grappa per favore.
Georg Kaser, what a man,
Marries Daniela whenever he can.
Hotel Grüner, Hotel Grüner,
Hope that they will hire a piano tuner.
Paul the owner is very tall,
I'm afraid his piano's tuned hardly at all.
Jóhannes Oerlemans sits at the back,
Keeping the students and teachers on track.
If you catch his eye, he will give you a look,
And sell you a copy of his climate book.
Georg Kaser, as slim as an arrow,
He studies the glaciers on Kilimanjaro.
Eeeh ... eez a montagne, eeeh ... eez a valley.
Todd Johnston's ancient, as old as the hills,
He came down from the mountains on crutches and wheels.
Petite Erin doesn't know what to do,
Just what's a core competent woman to choose?
Sasha the Carter was taping Vostok,
Hintereis air condition has all gone to duck.*
Kristof's a guy with Quixote's beard,
Grandpa's an Alsatian, now isn't that weird?
Karen Schmidt Goldbak drinks gin but not grappa,
There's no life on Mars, and less on Eurappa.
Carita, Carita, from Bergen she comes,
But she doesn't believe the results of my sums.
Willy Godhelpyou, she tried to explain,
It wasn't a swear word, but simply her name.
Melanie Raymond is here in disguise,
When she takes off her glasses, I don't recognise.
Karthaus is good, Karthaus is fun,
Conservation of mass simply cannot be done.
Director, director, just do what he please,
Use all the hot water, while the rest of us freeze.
Georg Kaser, not him again,
The third most famous of Sud-Tirol men.
Andrew Fowler, here I stand,
Theoretical glaciological man.
Karthaus, 20 September 2002
*The more robust, but unspoken, version is:
Sasha the Carter, Sasha the duck,
Hintereis air condition has all gone to ...